5 Years ago!

Well, in so many ways I cannot believe it has been 5 years and then on the other hand it seems like it has been forever ago! This is definitely a day we will never forget. We have always tried to make this day a day of celebration, since we didn't loose anyone that night in our horrible car accident. We started a tradition of going up to Park City for the weekend with our family and friends and it usually seemed to help us not think too much about it and just enjoy our time together(except for last year, and maybe that was just extra hard since I had been through some rough surgeries that year and had recently been recovering from one). This year that didn't work out with our friends schedule, so we will be enjoying that beautiful place next week! This day is always filled with mixed emotions. On one hand I feel extremely grateful for the many blessings we have been blessed with along the way-friends, family and most importantly each other and yet on the other it is a reminder of what has caused all the hurt, pain and suffering I along with my family have had to endure. I woke up this morning with my eyes feeling swollen(which happens from time to time), a really bad headache(everyday and all day occurrence), a cold sore(that just sucked!) and a discouraged, depressed feeling. I wasn't expecting to feel this down and so I thought there is no way I can write or post anything today, like I had originally had planned. I try really hard to stay positive and to focus my energy on that. I am one that tries really hard to deal with my pain as much as I can, I don't want my children growing up thinking mom was always in fragile condition and depressed and ill(they still probably think that I was always in fragile condition, but hopefully not the rest). I think some of my sadness came from the fact that I thought we were going to do something cool together as a family today and then I learned Bill had to meet with his school group and he had TONS of homework to do. He could obviously sense my discouragement this morning, it probably didn't help that it took me so long to get out of bed, but he tried to make things better. I laid there in bed and kept telling myself, "Get over it Cari, buck up and be strong! You can do this! You cant change what happened, don't let that day, ruin today for you. Don't focus on how hard the last 5 years have been and how you wished it had never happened. Focus on your blessings and cheer up." After a little while of convincing myself, I got up and put on a smile. I was blessed with some good friends who remembered my anniversary today and sent me nice messages. Then I had an amazing neighbor that brought over a disc of a fireside I gave. I put the disc in and watched some of it. It's crazy to think about everything we have had to go through. And, I say we, because my family has had to sacrifice and they have suffered to. I cant think of many husbands that have had to run a household, manage a job and take care of a sick wife day in and day out. Anyway, these messages and love from my friends helped play a role in my attitude adjustment! We decided as a family to go out to breakfast before Bill had to start all of his homework. We enjoyed a nice time together at IHOP, then we came home and enjoyed the beautiful weather outside where the kids rode their bikes and played with their friends. Bill unfortunately, had to go to school so the kids and I ordered some pizza and watched a movie to end the night. As hard as this day is for me, I cant help but feel gratitude. As a family this is something we really try to keep our focus on because if we don't it is easy to feel overwhelmed by our daily challenges. As a family every night we each say something we are grateful for. Not just in November, but every day of the year. Today I am grateful for a lot! I am grateful for amazing friends and family who have been there for us when we have needed it. I am grateful for the sacrifices others have made on our behalf. I am grateful for the friendships that have been formed through the service that has been rendered. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had to share my story and to influence/help others while doing that. I am grateful for the listening ears when I have really needed someone to talk to, especially when I was down. Im thankful for those who cared for my children, while I wasn't able to. I'm grateful for friends that were inspired to call or show-up when I was feeling down. Im grateful for peace that comes from the knowledge and testimony that I have from being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm grateful for a supportive husband who many times has had to sacrifice his own wants to help me and our family. Im grateful for children that press forward even when things are hard. Most importantly, Im grateful for the opportunity that I get to watch my family grow up, that I get to be there for their soccer games, help them with homework, meet their friends and help teach them right from wrong and Im grateful I get to spend more time with my best friend. This night 5 years ago could have easily had a different outcome and even though I joke that I wished it had been the different outcome(just because it is so hard every single day), Im grateful that it turned out the way it did, even though its tough. I get the opportunity to stick around and witness all of these everyday blessings and miracles.