Well, I never really wrote anything down about my last surgery, so I figured it was time, for memory sake. I didn't have to be to the Hospital until 1, so I had the morning to finish getting things prepared. Once we got there it took awhile until they started. They got me in my gown, took my vitals, talked to the doctor and then I laid their waiting for my operating room to be ready for me. It was nice to talk to the doctor before hand. He answered lots of my questions and at the time said that after this surgery I should be able to do in office procedures on my eyes from here on out. He looked at a stack of pictures of me that he asked me to bring before hand. He said he would keep them and blow them up in the operating room so while they improve everything they can make me look like Cari as much as they can while they are in there. I guess it also helps them to know where more bone is missing.
Bill was with me until they had me go back for surgery. The only problem was they had me on the hospital bed without Bill forever. In fact I was waiting right outside the door of my operating room while they were finishing up with another patient. The anesthesiologist came and talked to me, my doctor came and took pictures of me and drew on my face with a beautiful purple marker and I just laid there until they were ready for me. It was finally my turn and the next thing you know I'm waking up!
The first 3 or 4 days I couldn't see at all. My eye were bandaged up, which I wasnt exactly expecting so I laid there bored, with no tv or anything, well I take that back I did have PAIN! It was really rough. I had strict rules, NO sleeping on my side, NO sleeping with the head turned on the side PLUS I had to be raised up with 3 pillows at all times to help the swelling. The first night seemed like it lasted forever. I was in so much pain and I couldn't even sleep.
The next morning Bill had to run Kyle to school since he still had his broken arm and he told me he would be back in 5! Well those were the worst 5 minutes of my life as a mother. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It started out seeeming easy, the girls in my room lying by me watching cartoons. Well, that was just how it started. Now, let me remind you I have NO eyesight at this point and Im not even supposed to get up on my own. Ok, so Kyn asks for milk. I say, "Im sorry sweetie, but you will have to wait until dad gets back, I cant get that for you." She starts to cry. Then, the doorbell rings. I tell the girls to stay and let it go. DO NOT MOVE, well that didnt go over very well. Kaylee took off running and I hear her answer the door. Lucky for me it was just fed ex dropping off a pkg. Then she came back and I tell the girls, "You have to stay here, until dad gets back." SO then, Kay takes off and I hear the front door open. I am just about to get down on my knees to track her down, when Bill gets home! After I made sure he knew to never leave me again until I could see, I realized we had survived and at that point was all that mattered.
After being home a few days I unfortunately passed out. Bill had helped me to the bathroom and as I was sitting on the toilet(no need to read further if you dont want the dirty details) and I told him I felt like I was going to pass out. I say that often, so nothing to scary but then he said I followed through with it. He said it was a little weird because I arched my back and then fell towards the back corner. He was worried about my head since I have holes in my skull and very thin spots from my last surgery, so he protected my head. When I woke up I couldn't hear anything and could see Bill yelling at me. Then I heard him yelling, "Cari, Cari" Bill said I was out for about a minute and when I woke up I was laying in a pile of urine and my fingers were sticking straight out, I couldn't bend them for like 15 mins. Bill wanted to get me up in the bath but I couldn't move I was so weak. After about 15 minutes he got me in the bath. I feel so lucky to have someone like Bill taking such good care of me. I think I add a lot of stress to that poor mans life. I wish he didnt have to go through all of this with me.
Once I was able to get the bandages off I slowly started opening my eyes. It was very painful and hard to do, in fact at one point I thought I dont think I am ever going to be able to open these eyes again! I still had to sleep raised up and not turn my head for 2.5 weeks! That made sleeping really hard. Im not a back sleeper! This surgery was harder in certain ways and easier in others. I felt like i had more energy overall than the last ones, I wanted to get up, more than I even could. The hardest part ofcourse was the pain.
I met with my doctor and learned a lot about what they did in the operating room. I had 8 visible incisions around my eyes on my face. They hide them well, in my eyebrow...eyelid etc. I also learned that the big incisions were inside my eye where they lifted the eyelid and cut inside so they were able to transplant fake bone. They usually use skull bone, but I have no more to give after my last surgery so they used a synthetic bone. They say it looks just like bone. They used that to reconstruct my orbital sockets and build up the eyes. They also made an incision in my belly button where they removed a tiny (and I say tiny because I wonder if they even took any)bit of fat to inject around the eyes, to give them a pillow to lay on. They say that the body will absorb some of the fat and I will be honest, I can see that already! They say that everyone body deals with it differently.
After meeting with the doctor it sounds like they will have to go in and do this again. My right eye is very recessed still. They can only bring it out so much at a time without risking snapping a nerve and making me blind. I guess we will see what happens. I meet with him again around Christmas and then 2 months following, so if Im lucky I wont have surgery again otherwise its looking like March!
I look in the mirror now and wonder what I should even look like. I have had so many different faces over the last 4 years. I do think I am looking a little more like myself. I love peoples honesty, because it confirms my beliefs. I hate it when people say I look great and I know otherwise. If they said, "You look great considering", then I like that but without the considering I feel like they are just trying to make me feel better. A friend of mine said it best(and she didnt know me before the accident). She said, now looking back and seeing you now, your face looked unstable. This last surgery makes you seem more solid." Perfectly stated. Inside my face I have been missing BONE, how can I look stable without it, in fact I wasnt. All of these surgeries are protecting me long term, along with many other things they are to do, but I am grateful that hopefully someday I will be able to play ball with my kids again.
Here are some pictures, if you want to look!
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