I wanted to write this down, because this is something I don't want to forget.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling overwhelmed that we had hit our 2 weeks left mark, before my family and I go through the surgery and recovery process all over again. I put on my favorite tunes, hoping to distract me from my irrational emotional thoughts! Even with my music I was on the edge of tears. I would start playing with my girls, then I would start fighting off the tears again, I tried cleaning...same thing. It seemed like anything I did I couldn't keep from thinking about all the things I still need to do and get done and then all the people I love. My emotional feelings would start as sad ones then transfer to happy ones and vice versa. It was like thinking of the worst things(worst case scenario, recovery, etc) and then being overwhelmed with how blessed I am(how much I love my family, and friends).
The fact that there are only 2 weeks is really hard because I know I can only accomplish so much each day, and sometimes when I start thinking realistically, it doesn't seem possible to get it all done in time. I always hate this time of the year for my business when I have to do inventory, it just takes SO long, and obviously, this is not something I am going to want to do when I am recovering, so I HAVE to get this done before surgery, on top if getting all my clothes pictured so I can get them on my website(www.shoeparty.com).
Anyway, I am rambling on and not getting to my point. Here it is..
So, I was on the phone pretty much all morning, dealing with past accident stuff, making one phone call after another trying to track down the right person I needed to talk to. I talked to one of my friends on the phone and lost it to her(so sorry by the way), she offered to help me, but I declined. Getting help is really hard for me, probably because I only want to accept it when I have no other option. Anyway, after I got some blubbering out, I picked myself up and kept going. Sometimes, for me that's all I need to do, address my feelings, let it out and then get up and keep going. I don't feel sorry for myself very long because it really does me no good. In fact I have been surprised with how much this has been affecting me, I feel like I usually handle things pretty good.
The phone kept ringing off the hook, I swear I would hang up the phone with one person and answering another. Then the door bell rang, and I thought, "who could this be". To my surprise I opened the door to a flower delivery person. I just received some beautiful flowers from my hubby. I hadn't even called him to let him know how I was feeling(I'm trying to be strong for everyone around me, so I think that's why when the older people are gone I get a little more emotional). He was totally inspired, because it gave me the extra lift me up that I was needing. Then after that I got the call from my doctors office that my insurance is going to accept the University of Utah as IN-NETWORK! I was thrilled because that was one thing that was stressing me out. Another blessing for the day! Then, I get a call from a friend/past employee that topped it off for me. She said she was on the way over to come help me for the day. I have so much to do and that is exactly what I was needing. She was totally inspired. I was able to get a lot done and make a plan to get the rest done, hopefully before surgery.
A lot of people have told me that our family is in their thoughts and prayers, and I truly felt that today. I was feeling weak and helpless and really wondering if I could do it all and I was lifted up. Its things like this that help remind me this is what I need to do and Heavenly Father is going to help me through this, I'm not going to be left alone. Right now in my life, this is my plan and as scary as it may be and overwhelming to prepare for, this is right, and that gives me comfort. I dont have to do this alone, I have been given great family and friends to help me through this.
Im happy to say that I have felt so much better today! I haven't even cried or thought about crying. Im so blessed to have such amazing friends and family supporting me and my family right now. Im grateful for the strength the gospel brings me. I am happy to report I accomplished a lot today and hope to continue that on tomorrow!
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