This morning started off normal, I was in rush to get the kids all ready for school. The ride was here to pick them up and I hugged them and sent them on their way. Ryan had told me earlier in the morning that he didn't want to go to school, but I said, 'Sorry". But, as he walked out the door he turned around and started crying and said, " I just want you mom". Right then and there I thought, he needs to stay home, this is what he NEEDS right now. I waved the carpool on and came in the house with my boy. At first I thought, what was I thinking, I have so much to get done and now I am going to have one more kid to entertain, which will make the getting done part more difficult. But, that feeling didnt last long because I knew it was something he needed.
Plus, lets be honest, my baby is sick and wants me to hold her and I am feeling a little sick too, so maybe its not a bad thing, how much was I really going to get done anyway. As we were all taking it easy the phone rang. It was the school. I figured it was just the attendance office, but it wasn't it was Ryan's teacher. I was so grateful for her call. She sounded worried on the phone and heartfelt. She said she knew why Ryan wasn't there. That made me think maybe he had gotten into trouble the day before so that is why he didn't want to go...but NO, they were teaching the kids about punctuation and in the curriculum there is a book about a lamb and the mother dies in it. She said, she was never going to read this book again, that it was completely inappropriate for Kindergarteners and she felt so sorry because when she was reading it she noticed Ryan and how it affected him.
You see, Ryan is my child that doesn't show a lot of emotion. He holds things in and isn't quite sure how to express his feelings(ever since the car accident). We have been working so hard since that terrible night to help him and he has come so far. I already worry about going into surgery in fear that the progress we have made will regress. His teacher is aware of everything and so supportive to me and him. I was grateful for her call. She even talked to Ryan on the phone.
After I got off the phone I talked with Ryan more and he shared the story with me and told me that it was sad and it scares him with me going into surgery. It broke my heart. I thought my kids were doing pretty good, but I think they are trying to be like my husband, strong for me. I love my family more than anything on this earth and I wish I could take this pain away from them. I have to remind myself that these experiences make us who we are today!
I was so glad Ryan stayed home. He was SO happy and I will never regret the time we spent together, even if that means I don't get everything done on my list before Dday. Thank you Ryan, for allowing me to be your mom, there is no greater joy than being a mom.
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